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Thursday, March 31, 2011

poopy pants and other new rules

I have spent some time thinking lately of what exactly I am looking for to try and make better choices with my dates. Currently anyone who seems interesting for any number of reasons I have been giving a chance.  I no longer think that is the smartest decision. My list of what I am looking for is starting to get longer than 1. taller than me, and 2. makes me laugh.
My latest adventure occurred last night and I am a little baffled. It was my 3rd date with this very passionate guy and I learned 3 very important things about him.
1. He shoots blanks, apparently he had a vasectomy many years ago.  Possibly important if I saw a future with him yet he did not seem to think this was a very big deal.

2. Poopy pants. Apparently after a long night of drinking he did feel he could drive home so back to my home he came.  . . . . to sleep because lets be honest I try to behave most of the time.  This morning he must have felt so comfortable in my small studio that not only did he not close the bathroom door all the way, he proceeded to let out lots of gas and I am sure real material.  Followed by not turning on the fan or lighting a courtesy match after. Who does that?
3. The final straw was when he remarked that he doesn't use condoms because he was fixed anyway. Sorry the nurse in me had to give him a short lesson regarding STD's. Just to quote him "having sex with a condom is not sex it is really just wrestling." Really? Well you won't be "wrestling" with this lady.
Suffice to say that after today I'm pretty sure we are done.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Texan accountants are 86'd from the dating pool

I have now dated 2 Texans who are accountants so I am officially eliminating them from my dating pool. I'm pretty sure I will date a Texan again but not another accountant. I have dated three accountants and it just makes me think of the "When Harry Met Sally". . . "Sheldon does not give you great sex, Sheldon does your taxes." Yeah I'm my recent research shows that accountants may not have a lot of prowess in the bedroom whether they are named Sheldon or not.
The first one seemed really great  . . . except for the MOOBS and he was a little like sleeping next to Darth Vader.  The second I had a lovely dinner with recently, unfortunately he gave off a few cues that he was not that into "ladies."
1. we discussed ceramic bowls that he recently purchased . . . he bought 18 of them.
2. Not many men throw dinner parties

My date last night discussed none of these topics which was kind of a relief, I would rather not discuss kitchen appliances or place settings on a first date . . .not very sexy:)

Monday, March 14, 2011

I dig you like a . . . .

Now I am all for compliments and telling me how much you like me from dates but sometimes guys should just keep their mouths closed.  I started "hanging out" with a local guy the summer I turned 21, still not sure what the attraction was but I was into him.  I'm sure it was not the Jack Daniels label etched into the back window of his jeep or his living situation ( 4 guys in less than 500sq feet sharing a room) or the fact that he was chronically high.  I think it was just that he was into me at the time. So one night as we sit "watching a movie" --we all know how that goes:) He decides to tell me " I dig you like a shovel." I'm pretty sure I started laughing at him right at that moment, not maybe the nicest thing to do but really! Now over ten years later, we were both living in the same town, occasionally run into each other and all I think of is REALLY A SHOVEL! That is the best you could come up with:)

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Comic Con'd

Seattle is currently hosting a comic conference for all comic book lovers.  I had the pleasure of meeting some of the writers and artists last night.  I hear they are well known in the business, I'm sure there are some people who live in their parents' basements that would have been jealous of who I was with.  Fast forward through a night of hotel bars and bad karaoke with my favorite WA wing woman and we find ourselves with some married cling-on comic book writers.
Really guys! if you have a wedding band on, it is not going to trick me if you keep switching it from your left and right hand.
Lets just say this evening did not end well or early  . . . I'm still tired - M

NN rules of dating

After many dating misadventures I have compiled a list of rules . . . because really when your date passes out at the restaurant it is not as fun as it may sound.  So here goes . . .
1. If you are closer to 40 than 30 and live at home   . . . we are not going to date
2. If I have to talk to your mom while you clean your room for us to "watch a movie". .
its not looking good for a second date
3.  If you throw a "Welcome Home Doughboy" Party for your buddy when he gets out of jail . . for the 2nd time . .All 3 of these I learned from the same guy . . poor dude still lives at home now:(
4.  Moobs (man boobs)- they are not fun for anyone and should not be larger than mine
Final suggestion . . please don't call your mom while we are hanging out.  It may seem cute and endearing but its not.  It is just kind of lame.  -M